City of dream

another day without you

do you know what?

Im counting down our 200days alone

...another days Im celebrate by my own

dont know why

I can always forgive you n forgot what you had did to me

whenever I miss you

how are you recently ?

will you miss me when you are alone?

I do , do you?

when my Line rang

I do pick my phone n check the message in seconds

expecting that that message is send by you

but I used to be disappointed in the end

cz that's not you

when I feel like wanna sing for you

I record down n post it everywhere Fb,insta...

the main point is just wanna let you see my post 

n listen what I want to sing for you

I scare you feel alone when you lay down on your bed

try to make my voice close to you

n make you feel that Im always be there

but I think you dont it actually ?

Im so funny to talk alone

thinking alone n dream alone

whenever I feel like wanna talk to you

I just only can write it all down in here by blog

before we deal that no matter what's happen we must tell each other n no lies

if we have any problem with each other we need to tell n settle

I do but you dont

that's why Im only able to talk alone with you from here

  a place that no body know 

and you dont know too

 ...hahaha really felt too lonely to be like this

A hug n A kiss for you

 

you were in my dream yesterday night

you disappear when I open my eyes again

;')

 

Curious

seem when you throw my hands away

I have trying to forget the painful you gave me until now

still being suffer

I still remember your expression

all your action

all your cruel

on ME

I cant forget

hard to forget

because you're the one who I most believe in

the most I love the most I trust 

that's why I get hurt again n again

but Im still there n never go far away

everynight

before I sleep

when I am alone

when I am tired

thinking how we have fun together

thinking back all our sweet

Im smiling until I fall asleep every day n night

no matter how we being strange now

Im still smiling really smiling from heart

because I am still love , fully love 

yes , I love you

but the truth is

the one who I love is "you" not you

the one who I met from the first time

the one who want to have forever

but now "you" were gone

gone...gone...gone...

I am strong

I am strong to telling people that I have open my mind

I have see through 

I am happy

but how they know the truth is

when Im alone

all I am thinking about is you...

I am writing our story with tear running out...

I am hugging the bear which I bought for you every night...

when I am in the darkness all I want is you...

how they know? how they know my feeling...they wont...you wont...

I dont understand n I dont know why 

why you can cherish what other people is giving you

but you wont cherish about mine?

I wonder why

why I do I did all the things with full of heart n love

but you never feel surprise ?

but you know how to say thanks to another person who you just meet

you said that you dont need a perfect relationship

you only need who will never give up on you

you said you never met

 BUT

I wonder who I am?

I am the one who standing in front of you

the one who you always hurting on cheating on but still THERE

you never look on me

you NEVER

you just pity on me

you just play on me

you just fool on me

...

again again n again

the first time... I stay

the second... I stay

the third time...I stay

the fourth... how do know I will always behind you? 

I am human too...

I got heart...

I god blood...

I got feeling I know whats pain too

...

I am working so hard now

being busy every day until I have no energy

because I dont want to have time to feel the pain you gave me again

but it doesn't work

cz I am still missing you

:'(

5 Months

5 Months...

I have been waiting you for 5 months

during this months

no matter how many hurt I got from you

Im still here

make my heart stronger n waiting for you

it doesn't matter we have broke up or what

Im still here thinking n making any things try to touched your heart

hoping one day you will turn back for me

wish that will could start again with no end

in every single days

you are in my dream

you are in my mind

you are in my life

 going anywhere or anyplace

marking down all the best places I have go

cz I want to bring you along

record down all the sweetest thing I want to have with you

thinking what kind of surprise I wanna make for you on every festival or special days

tried to make everything become success

no matter how hard or impossibility

I will try all my way to make you become the most happiness girl in the world

with your smile

I dont care how many lies you have giving , cz I did act like nothing

I dont care how bad you have treating me, cz I did comforted n telling myself that you are just busy ,maybe?

I dont care how you have hurting me, cz I did smile when you finding me

when after every heart broken n crying 

I stand up myself

refresh my mind n accept everything

love all your perfect n imperfection

telling myself that it was just a processing

when I knew you're coming back

I work so hard for saving money

put a lot of effort to making something for you

the intent is just wanna make you find back all the feeling from me

no matter how many friends have gave up on me

no matter how many friends have scolding me

No matter how they tried to stop me , finding any girls for me

disappointed on me

my only answer to giving them is 

" Yes, Im stupid , but I love her as I really mean it."

 Im smiling with tears

no one will know the feeling but I knew

cz Im the only one who loving

Im waiting 

counting down the date when you are coming

5 months 

finally we met

gave those present I have made for you

but I got nothing

no matter how tired I am

I think Im worth to spending my time my energy for you

waiting for few hours

you only came for the few minutes with once eyes glance

I knew all the truth

but I act like nothing
calm down myself n really be like nothing was happened

when you came over Im still light up my smile

tried to hug you again
Im holding your hands

"Dont like this , My customer here!"

I never tot that I will heard this words from you to me

throw away my hands with brutally eyes

my heart was dropping from the sky ,so high n so high.

my heart broken as dust

cried with no tear

screamed with no sounds

you forgot that Im human too

The most unacceptable thing is not heard you said you like "her"

The most painful thing is heard you said you like "HIM" 

never regret to put 100% of love on you

but...

do you really ever know how my feeling when every time I got the hurt from you...

how strong I need to stand up myself again n again

you wont know cz you never love me as I love you

you will never ever know how much I did really love you

cz you never try to understand me or know me more

why am I seems like begging you back all the time

but not you?

why am I so cherish about everything

but not you?

why was you delete me n block me all the time 

but not me?

why should I be so suffer in love 

but not you?

why should I be the one who missing you so much 

but not you?

why should I be the one who always waiting 

but not you?

why should I be the one who keep repeat about the memories

but no you?

why should I be the one who showing all the heart

but not you!?

my dear love

I love you ,I really really really love you
not only saying cz I did showing my action to you
but my dear love...

my heart is totally too painful on this time...

could you loving me back on this time?

Im deeply in fell n I need your hands to pull me up now 

Start again

Remember last time we quarrel for almost 2weeks

we never contact each other

but one day

I saw your line statue mention that you're sick

Im sick at that time too

after saw your statue

I dont know why

I felt like wanna find you

no matter how I angry or hate about you on that time

I just felt like I wanna take care of you

I had been irresolute about wanna send a msg or not for one hour before I slept

but in the end I sent it

that night I slep at 1am

I woke up at 4

I think it was because I was too care about will I get your reply or not

Im afraid of hurt

 

But that time

I woke up n I saw you read the msg with no reply

Im so sad n just tried to sleep back

my mind was thinking that :

"ohhh... is ok , fine,I wont find you again!!!"

after two hours

you reply me

Im so happy n my smile start light up

you said you got something wanna show me

then you sent those picture for me

which is all about us

Im shock

fucking shock

shock until my body really shaking

It was too surprise that I cant accept it suddenly

yes cz I never think that you will still saving those picture

I tot that you have delete it all

 but you didnt 

you screen shoot the msg which I had sent to you that night

you upload it

you mention you're so glad to know that actually Im still care about you

else n else... but the last words you said that " you remember the best 'FRIEND" you had was me"

Im happpy to see that statue but Im more curious about what did you mean in "best FRIEND"

so... Im your friend?

or?

ok... nvm I found the other way to understand you

maybe you just dont want to let your customer or friend ask you more about?

or any problem?

yaa.. I think like that 

tried to find every way to understand you with no misunderstanding 

I hope what Im thinking n doing is right

almost few weeks now

we stay good

yaa good ? maybe

something like few days reply me one time?

you said you're "busy"

n what I saw is you're busy in drink drank drunk ?

ok maybe you are really busy n have no time to reply me

but I saw you still have time to change your profile picture ,reply your friends,upload statue, upload photo...n you have no time to reply me

they say: A person , who really love you or care about you , no matter how busy they are , they will still arrange the time for you , if you are really important to them"

then I suddenly ask my self

" so ... Im not important to her? she is not loving me? she is not care about me? cz Im not important to her? or the way she love a person is treat her like that?"

ask myself dont think too much again

cz it just will make my heart broken again

maybe you are really busy

I should understand you

finally you reply me today

told me that you are coming back in this week

so fast so happy cz we will meet again

I have been waiting you for almost 5 months

finally we are getting meet

 

Im asking is there anyway that you can help me get in to the club to find you

you said Can

Im asking again are you sure I can get in?

and you reply me like " Can , Can ,Can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dont ask too much"

hmmm.... I want to say that I only do what the thing is really confirm or 100% sure

Im just asking for sure

cz Im under 18 

The club law in Sg is different in Malaysia

there are more stern 

more seriously than malaysia

if I cant get in 

how?

is that mean that I need stand in front the door ? or just return back to Malaysia?

cz I cant get in to find you while your working

 

Im just asking for SURE...

I dont want to have any problem happen if I really go find you one day

why you just make me feel that Im annoying to asking you about something

haizzz... am I wrong in asking ?

those words suddenly make me feel sad

 or if you are busy on that time while you are replying me?

tell me , I can understand but dont reply like that 

it will make me think much

 

 however 

Im still glad that we are getting closer to each other

better than before

I hope that you can really cherish me more in this time

I hope that you could really know how much of love I have putting on you

I hope that you could understand me n be patience on me more

I hope that we could stay longer n good

n I hope that you could really love me n no others as the same how I love you

 

Im waiting for you my girl

I really miss you 

good night

:)

She leaving for 73days

Remember that day we argue so hard and you spoke those kind of bad words to me.

Im losing control on that time , cried so hard for two hours non-stop for the very first time in my life just because of you.

you apologize to me but Im teling you that my heart already die on that time when you spoke those kind of words to me. But actually not , Im lying ... my heart was just breaking ,hope that you can ask me dont go on that time cz nothing really can change my heart for you .

But you didnt do that , you said Im annoying n you said bye to me.

Im telling about the problem , the point ,what is the point made us become like this . 

I never want to argue with you , Im just try to solve our problem but why ... why you never calm down for listen and think about it?

If I never care about you I wont keep sending this kind of long text for you , if I dont care why am I suppose to do this ?

While Im curious now... why you can change your heart from me so suddenly ? 

how come you can treat me as a toy ? or rubbish ?

when you need it you find it back , when you feel annoying you just throw it away .

Did you ever think about my feeling ?

How many days ... how many times ... I welcome you n waiting you back with my whole heart?

Even I treat you cool , but did you ever think about that why I become like this? why am I become different ?

The answer is . Because I get hurt from you too many times ... I chose to protect myself more now

Everything is different , but the only thing I never change is ...

Im still loving you.

Chinese New Year

A happy new year

but still need a person to a perfect family

...

how much I have missing you

how much I have been wonder that you are with me now

reading back all the msg and photo

I want to be drunk again

but it just make me miss you more n more

It suppose to be with you in this moment

you should be here with me now

celebrating the Chinese New Year with my family 

your family...

I have been going to Jusco for 3days

when I across the Converse shop

I think about you

when Im wearing the shoes which you bought for me

I think about you

there are too many memories to make me think about you

...

Sky find me back

she ask me to go hollywood again

but I just told her that " when I go there ... I miss her"

do you know how much I miss you?

do you know how much I love you?

even Im drunk now

I just want to tell you that ' Lao po... I really miss you...can you come back..."

I tot when Im drunk I can forgot everything about you
but Im wrong
when Im drunk
I MISS YOU
I NEED YOU
I REALIZE THAT I CANT FORGET YOU
I  WANT YOU BACK
actually Im not strong enough to wishing you with her
my heart still here
my heart still breaking and yelling
asking myself that " WHY"
why I did wrong at first
why I said those thing which make you change your mind
why!!!!!

Drunk Step

Receive your msg in the midnight

Im happy with empty mind

I dont know what should I feel on that moment actually

you said you were drunk

you said sorry to me if you disturb me

...

I dont like you said like that cz I feel like Im so stranger with you

I dont want you be so welcome to me

I hate this feeling

every drunk step make ppl said the truth with whole heart

every drunk step make ppl know everything which they actually want

every drunk step make ppl know who is the one they actually need

This is The Truth about Drunk

and when you are drunk you will know you miss me you will know all the mistake she did

...

I never dare to think much

Im afraid to be hurt myself again

Im asking about my personality from myself all the time

if I did any wrong I will change it for you

truly change and I will do what I have said

because this is me

a true love is worth to be change for each other

Im willing to change for you everytime

Im willing to do everything for you

Im willing to be away from other girls

Im willing to stay at home and be behave because of you

Im try to dont do any wrong on you

 I try so hard to did well

and in the end you just chose to throw me away and give her the change

even how many mistake she did

you will still give her the chance 

Im only did a mistake a misunderstand

but you never try to give me any chance 

YOU NEVER! 

and this is how you said you love me!

tell me what should I do now my god...

I miss her I love her but she just leave me away with heartless

why ppl never care about the tree which is standing with steady

but they only know how to cherish the flower which is full of insect

is the the flower more rot ppl more cherish ? or no one will cherish the tree?

should I learn how to be a flower?

but that's NOT ME , Im SORRY

I only got one heart which is only enough for one person

and you are the only one who I want forever