Drunk Step

Receive your msg in the midnight

Im happy with empty mind

I dont know what should I feel on that moment actually

you said you were drunk

you said sorry to me if you disturb me

...

I dont like you said like that cz I feel like Im so stranger with you

I dont want you be so welcome to me

I hate this feeling

every drunk step make ppl said the truth with whole heart

every drunk step make ppl know everything which they actually want

every drunk step make ppl know who is the one they actually need

This is The Truth about Drunk

and when you are drunk you will know you miss me you will know all the mistake she did

...

I never dare to think much

Im afraid to be hurt myself again

Im asking about my personality from myself all the time

if I did any wrong I will change it for you

truly change and I will do what I have said

because this is me

a true love is worth to be change for each other

Im willing to change for you everytime

Im willing to do everything for you

Im willing to be away from other girls

Im willing to stay at home and be behave because of you

Im try to dont do any wrong on you

 I try so hard to did well

and in the end you just chose to throw me away and give her the change

even how many mistake she did

you will still give her the chance 

Im only did a mistake a misunderstand

but you never try to give me any chance 

YOU NEVER! 

and this is how you said you love me!

tell me what should I do now my god...

I miss her I love her but she just leave me away with heartless

why ppl never care about the tree which is standing with steady

but they only know how to cherish the flower which is full of insect

is the the flower more rot ppl more cherish ? or no one will cherish the tree?

should I learn how to be a flower?

but that's NOT ME , Im SORRY

I only got one heart which is only enough for one person

and you are the only one who I want forever

PAIN

To all my friends...Please...

Dont send me those photo again...

DONT send me which photo is she with her!

PLEASE DONT SEND TO ME AGAIN

!

It makes my heartbreak again

it is FUCKING PAIN!

seeing the photo which you took with her...

I tot I could be strong to bear my tear

I tot I could smile to face it and say "nothing"

but actually cant...my heart still breaking...

I saw the photo...you laying on her shoulder...

Im like start being self-accusation 

YES, I dont have a big shoulder to let you lay enough
I dont have a wonderful body to let you hug enough
Im not man as her, Im not handsome as her , Im not taller as her, Im not capable as her
I dont have work, Im still a student
I have no money , I have no car , I have no house
Im underage , Im still young I cant give you a better life as her
YES, Im not good
YES, Im totally not good enough

 

cz if Im good
you wont leave...

Actually

Yesterday I got your news that you're going back to sg

yaa..actually I knew already

but you seem like not willing

I can feel it, but I no dare to think about "why"

you said you still miss JB...

Im telling myself at that moment that :

" YES, she miss JB , but NOT YOU. You better dont think too much buddy"

(laughing with heartpain again)

I wish that you could come back to here

I swear that I will bring you around and make you feel happy with me again

but I didnt give any action

because I do not know what you are thinking now...

after that I know form you that you will be working at SG for half year

Im happy with sad and worry

I dont know why?

happy maybe because you are near from me again

sad because I dont know will you want to meet me again?

worry because Im about mum will argue with you

:(

I love you , I love your family too

I know you promised your mum before that you will go back study

and I know mum was worry about this for long time

she put a lot of effort on it

I can felt it when last time I text with her

buying a house for mum

is a very sweet thing and love action

but I just scare mum will misunderstand you and tot you just find a reason that dont want go back study

I dont want you argue with mum 

I dont want mum will feel disappoint

maybe I think too much but it just should be care about it

you need to think carefully before you do

but on the another way

I will always support you too

because I know everyone do anything must have their own reason

I never against

just give an advise

hope you dont mind...

remember we used to be discussing everthing before we sleep but now...

weather

The weather at Chiang Mai is cold now

I know that when everytime the weather turn cold your nose sure running

remember to drink some warm water when you feel cold

it will make your body feel warm...

if your nose running getting worse 

remember to take medicine...

remember to put tight your blanket before you sleep...

because Im not with you at all

you should take care yourself well!

I wish I could be there with you when you're cold

I will hug you tight as hard as I can

and give you all my warm

A Hungry

Im woke up with hungry today

I miss you when Im hungry

because I know if you are here you will cook for me 

:)

mum was not at home this few days

I need to take care of myself again

I went down the kitchen and I suddenly found this...

Im stuck in a moment with my empth brain

it make me miss you more again

...

I sit at the same place and eating the thai maggie mee which you leave it here

the memories show in my mind while Im eating 

I remember you used to be sit beside me

we eat together ... we talk... we laugh...

remember got one time I cant eat spicy at that day

you know I cant eat but you just keep kuen teen to me

showing me how delicious is the spicy soup

hahahaha... I can feel you at this moment 

:)

  I wish it could happen again

 I miss you my love...I really miss you...

The Letter

Be quiet

Be calm

Be strong

Be mature

Be patient

Be thinkful

Be understand

...

Be back myself

Im not fall for the first time

Just...it was totally the most hurtful in my life in this time

 Reading back our conversation 

Im still laughing because it still sweet until light up my heart

:')

I keep scrolling and looking back all our photo

and I found this...the letter which I gave you at the beach...

I read again and Im wake again

suddenly understand something again...

"I DONT CARE"

this words... is the words which I always giving to you ...

is the words which always cheer me up at the beginning when I woo you

I met many problem ... we met many problem..

but this words " I DONT CARE" make us stay strongly together at that time

even now... is us... we got problem

even Im still fighting by my own for you

I shouldn't forget about this words... this meaning...

my sincerity

I will prove to you

no matter how many problem we meet

I'll never give up on you

I'll be the one who will never leave you and just wanna stay with you

it just a matter of time

TIME WILL EXPLAIN EVERYTHING

I got my patient

My Birthday present

Everything was change too fast that I can't get it

You said ... nothing can change your mind easily...

nothing can change your heart for me easily...

but now... only a misunderstand... a words make you change this all from me

Im sick that day

I remember before the day I had told you that Im getting sick

but actually Im already sick

I never told you because I dont want to make you so worry when you are drinking with your friend

but now Im regret...I should told you about this on that day

if I tell you... will it still be the same? at this moment isit I still can talking with you now?

If I tell you... is it you will be here with me already?

Im speachless ....

what Im doing is useless

sorry that Im so far from you

when you got back the feeling with your ex

I cant do anything .... I can only do nothing

I keep thinking that

If Im there with you now

will you still go back for her?

If Im there with you

I can make our love more stronger

but everything was end now

first time

I mess up myself for a girl 

STUPID

first time

Im crying every moment when I think of you with NON-Stop

I Love so deep even only one month

just because before I know you will go back

I know we only left those short of time to stay together 

so I very cherish every time every moment with you

The memories was too deep that become hurt now

My tear start coming out when I close my eyes

my mind was just repeat and repeat all the happiness we had before

what I told you and what you told me

repeat all your smile

remember I always complain to you that you are getting heavy when I carry you up and down

I remember I always ask you to eat more better become fatty

then no one will woo you anymore

I remember I always hug you from your back when you doing dishes or cooking for me

I always standing at the door seeing you cook for me with smiling 

do you still remember I always complain that you always make me wake that I cant sleep anymore

MEMORIES

a lot of memories that I cant forget

:')

why you can be so cruel to delete everything

why you can be so heartless to me

my heartbreak

BREAK

 HURT

 PAIN

First time

I tried to be serious on a thaigirl

I love her with my whole heart

and now... I got nothing

nothing and nothing

....

Not a perfect Birthday

almost 19days we never talk

alomost 3days we never contact

I tot my Bd will different in this year

but Im wrong

4years already... Im still alone

letting you go...

it doesn't mean that I dont love you...

it doesn't mean that I give up on you...

never

Just because I love you, I do not want to force you

Just because I love you if you're happy with her more than me, I should let you go

My heart was not willing to do this

My heart was break

but I know the truth is... if you really love a person,if you really want her to be happiness...

if she really feel that her ex can give her all of this ... why dont you just let her go and wishing her?

"a true love ...it doesn't mean that she must be with you.."

I love you... I just want you to be happy , to be happiness...

if you really found this feeling with her...there you go...

I wont stop you... I wont force you...

if you are happiness....then enough

remember i told you before? you smile I smile 

even this decide was hurt... but im still willing to do it for you... just because I love you

except your father and mother... I swear ... I love you more than others

even I let you go for her but I never give up on you

Im still waiting ...Im still fighting...

one year? two years or three years?

no matter how long times it will take... remember Im always be here for you...

when you feel tired... when you feel hopeless...when you feel alone ... when you enough for play...

remember to turn back... Im standing on your back with smile and hug

I told you...  even you cant live the happiness with me now.. I will let you know in future

even Im still young I cant give you anything you want...I will fight a future which able to be with you 

I will waiting for you .... waiting until a day you will know my heart...

until a day you will come back for me...

until a day I could hold you hands and hug you tight again...

remember we deal before ? you said you like Italian food

I said "ok!Our honeymoon will be at Italian!"

I never forget what I had promise you...

even your heart is not with me now... what I had promised to you is still processing ...

I will prove you...I will hold your hand again in the future

Im not your good lover

I easy to be jealous

I easy to get mad

I want you to accompany me always

I like to talk with you for long time on phone

I like to see you by facetime

I always waiting for you at night 

I always annoying you

I always ask you to take care yourself

I always be so worries on you

I always be so care about you

I always get drunk when Im not happy
I always be too missing you

I always be too focus on you

I always cry for you

I always thinking back all of the happiness with you

I always want to be your perfect boyfriend but I never know what you actually want?and I have no chance to ask now

I always force you to take photo for me,sing for me,talk with me

Im sorry...Im not good enough...

I had changing so much for you but it seem like still not enough

I had trying so hard to understand you and know about you more but it seem like still not enough

everything was gone now and I cant do anything for you now...

I havent know your all ... I havent make you be the most happiness girl in the world... I havent be the good lover...but everything was gone now...

your heart was without me now...

Im sorry...I havent be the one who you want...

Im sorry... I havent be the one who you need...

Im sorry ... Im still learning to know about you and love you ...

1 hour more my birthday was coming...

I miss you my love... I really miss you... 

how nice if you are with me now?

I have no dare to imagine about that again

early to say happy birthday to myself

:') 

TRUE LOVE is like this

I deleted all the post in past

I want a new start 

a new story 

a new life

We dont have any problem

I told myself

you not like before

before you will reply me in time

now you only read it and leave there

you said you busy

I understand

but I saw you reply others...

Im telling myself

yaa... thats okay...maybe she just busy

dont think too much

but I stop myself to think everything from you

Im putting you on a most important part of my heart 

do you know that? am I in your heart too?

Before when you are with me I know... but now I dont know

Im still smiling when I look back all our photo

I feel sweet I feel happiness , will you?

Before

you will tell me when you wake up

you will tell me where you go 

you will tell me you go with who

when you free you will msg me

sometimes you will say you miss me

you promised all that too

before you go back 

you promised me that you will tell me everything

you swear

but now.... I didnt see that

yaa... when I ask is there any problem with me and you

you already answer me those answer

YOU DONT LIKE

but baby...

did you still remember we were so far away?

Im not same as your ex

can live together

see each other often

can live without keep finding each other by phone 

we cant SEE each other

so we Facetime 

we cant TALK with each other

so we talk by Phone

we cant give each other WARM

so we used MSG

we have not enough time to see each other

you said you dont like to accompany ppl

but baby... still left how baby time we can accompany each other?

you come back only two months go Sg for one month

yes, that time we can see each other already

but only SOMETIMEs

when you come back Im not in holiday already

I only free at Sunday

maybe I only can see you on Sunday ? I dont know

2 months got how many Sunday we can see each other

after that when you go back to study 6 MONTHS

we cant see each other for 6 months

I know now you had been long time you didnt see your friend 

but you forgot when you go back to study you still got YEAR can see them

but you only see me in that 2 months

I cherish all the time all the moment for you

IM selfish yaa... I said that

but the reason is just all about this

this all make me become selfish

we so hard to be together

so I arrange all my time for you

when you said I dont understand you

I change

I stand on your way to think

even I dont like I also will try to understand

just because I love you I change for you

but will you do the same as me?

when I said I dont like

you just said you dont like I said like that

you want me to understand you

ok I understand for you

but why sometime you never try to understand me?

A relationship need to handle by both

but it seem like only I do this

I handle with silent

I accept it

I accept all of it

Because nothing is important than love you now

you are so important to me that Im willing to do this all for you

even Im not myself

because a true love will not make a person to be herself

when you are in love 

thats already mean that you are not yourself

but why you still want to be yourself?

I never want to be back myself

when I allow you

because I scare if I dont let

I scare you will leave me alone

I dont want

so I accept again

no matter how many tear I need to spend alone,Im ok

JUST BECAUSE I LOVE YOU

I wish you could know this one day

Im not gonna to tell you about this

because Im afraid again and again

I scare you cant understand me again

...